iPhone rejects our apps deeming inappropriate March 4, 2010
Posted by Mike in : Mike, Products , add a commentWell we got some iPhone apps out. Apple fucked us around a bit over “graphic images of a woman in a tight shirt” for our Insultiple Apps. Or as they said: “We’ve reviewed your application and determined that we cannot post this version of your iPhone application to the App Store because it contains objectionable content”. Nice Apple.
We resubmitted with said “PORN” removed and they accepted it after days of review…I’m sure they had to masturbate to it several times once they took their halo’s off.
They also rejected our “Tourettes with Audio” swearing app even though it was classified in the Adult over 18 group.
We are resubmitting this one as well, but with it toned down…we removed all the swear words one finds in Webster’s dictionary…cause I guess Webster does not actually undertand english and it’s just a pulp document of no real value.
The good news is we pulled out 3 more apps from the rejected swearing one. We made a PG version to follow the toned down swearing one and are co-branding the “Tourettes” as “Swearing with Audio” to find out which name people like, or dislike, more. It might do well in that there are over 7 million word combinations with my voice hollarin the words at you.
So it appears we have figured out what makes Apple tick, kinda up the the reviewer and what they deem appropriate and once the App is released they forget about it. Which is funny because our “Insultiple Deluxe” has the items that were rejected in our cheaper product. So if you want to see a shot of Salma Hayek in a t-shirt…a whopping 25 x 25 pixel image…spend $1 more and you can start your own porn site!
Flat Broke but Filthy Rich February 10, 2010
Posted by Mike in : Mike , add a commentMoney Money Money…where for art thou.
Seems its the mantra of us all. Even the bum on the street with the outstretched hand has to have a bit of it to keep whatever keeps him going, going. I have sympathy for him, I’ve been there. The only difference between the two of us is I have a greater change of making it out of the dark isolated corners of hell and back into the light. 
The bum who asked for money for the 9,354th time made me reflect on the odd psychological monetary dichotomy I’m in. I just released three iPhone applications to Apple for review.
I feel absolutely rich yet my pockets are lined with lint and copper. It’s very strange having no capital but creating items that can make tons of it. I’m living in the in-between place.
I’m walking with the air of an aristocrat who is on sabbatical dressed as a transient to divert attention from himself but he can’t hide his lineage and gets called out anyway. That’s happening to me. I must have “crossed over” somewhere this month past the tipping point of who I was to what I will be.
It’s an aphrodisiac to women I’ve noticed as well. It amazes me how a mental state can alter the perceptions of others. I don’t think this is a place one can “think” themselves into. I think it is a spot that one has to make.
This post is only here to segue into a discussion of the iPhone applications that were just released so I’ll end with:
Money money money…its all on my tree. The only issue is…they haven’t given it to me.
Build your product cheap, fast and good! December 7, 2009
Posted by Mike in : Mike, Programming , add a commentCheap, Fast and Good. That’s what we all want when we go to build a new product. However the motto is: “You want it cheap, fast and good? Sure! Pick two!”
Why?
If you want it Fast and Good…it doesn’t come cheap.
More resources are required to be thrown at the project to get it done quickly. That means more people have to work on it and possible overtime. Also, to get it done well, you have to get the best people on the job and their time is at a premium.
If you want it Good and Cheap…it’s going to take a long time.
If you hire a software company to do work for you and you want the results good but cheap, they will put a decent programmer on it but only let them work on the project during their down time. If that company gets a client who is willing to pay more than you are, you get relegated to the back of the line and have to wait.
The other option is they will throw a newbie at your project. That way the company you hired gets to train them and you will just have to live through that persons learning curve.
If you want it Fast and Cheap…it won’t be good.
If your having your kitchen floor installed and you want it cheap and fast, the person showing up is in dire need of money and that will be their focus versus doing the job right. And because your paying them next to nothing, your going to get the bottom of the barrel in terms of quality of workmanship.
If your needs are for a custom software solution, the company you hire will toss the lowest paid employee at it. You will then receive a non-disclaimer stating they are not held responsible for the quality of workmanship.
Fast and cheap is usually not good for anything.
So that’s the motto, tried and true. Decide what fits, then pick two.
Persist through fear until you hear yourself say Holy Shit! December 6, 2009
Posted by Mike in : Mike, Motivation , add a commentI just had that. My fucking heart is racing.
I’ve been looking at the same thing for what seems like eons. So much shit floating around me. My ‘Day to Day’ states:
“At the fishbowl looking at the world and letting everything fade but 1 thing. iPhone databases. Very very complex, yet very very simple. Just focus…focus. See this one thing as the world…the future. Let the energy of it fill you. Feel its fire. I am above the bullshit, I ride alone, this beast is mine to tame. Talk seems to be the appeal in all the twitters and facebooks I see flicking around me. I shut it all out and only see this. I shall sit here till I have it or I will die in my seat. Fishbowl is open 24 hours. Give me database or give me death.”
Within minutes of writing that statement, of letting everyone around me fade, the hundreds of minds dicking around with some shit, when BAM it hit me! I heard myself say “Holy Shit!”.
My Holy Shit was that I finally found out how to take a vast database of data and simple query it for use in my iPhone application!
I just stared at my computer until the screen faded under screen saver. Stared wide eyed. It must be the same feeling a scientist has when they stumble across something no human has ever seen before. They see the truth in it and just pause.
I have been on this for months. Over all the bullshit. The meetings. The talks. Its the persistence that is of the only value. No matter how you feel. The key is shutting it all out, looking at the world, letting it go and rising above it.
In the article “If you want to be rich, first stop being so frightened“, billionaire Felix Dennis says “The number one reason why people fail is because of a fear of public embarrassment”. We fill our minds with this mind clutter. We worry about what others will think. About not making the money. About missing out on all the parties where everyone is mingling, networking, having fun and moving forward. The fear that you will be left behind. It’s bullshit.
The real value is in coming back to the core. For me it is here. In a room of 500 buzzing computers and freeing my mind of all of it. My passion flared a few minutes ago. Vast and beautiful. My skin is still goose bumped. My breath is short. So persist. Persist again. Read this post on overcoming fear if your having trouble letting go of the inner monologues.
The only other answer to how I feel is I had a stroke and am lying on the fishbowl’s floor unconscious dreaming all this…someone call 911.
How can you tell when you need to quit your job? December 1, 2009
Posted by Mike in : Mike , add a commentA moment in the life of a worker who needs to quit:
Paul Barkin is a typical human. Been working at the same place long enough to know his job by rote. Creativity has left him and he sees his world as a cage he needs to escape. This is one of his typical morning moments:
Paul places the small bronze key in the left inside desk lock, he vomits in his mind, “God, I hate this”. Turning the key; he sees it turn a thousand times before, “One half turn up, insert with the ridges down… was it down…or up.” Leaning forward with elbows on knees, it’s the most comfortable he’ll feel all day.
Repeating the process to the other side, he opens the upper right drawer fishing for his favorite pen. Not sure what he’s going to do with it but wanting to feel its familiar smooth cool metal surface with the curled thumb grip. He extracts the pen from the menagerie of markers, pens, scissors and rubber bands that always seem to end up in the pen section of the plastic divider entangling themselves to the frustration of anyone wishing access.
Looking up at the P.C., “PROCESS 41 IS COMPLETE”. He marks the next state to be processed. “South Dakota”. With experienced hands he flicks the sliding keyboard into position from under the desk and whacks the keyboard a dozen times “D: [TAB] [TAB] \temp [ENTER] [F8]“.
Selecting Dakota, he completes the command initialization and is gone. Vaguely aware of what he’s doing, he sees tall grasslands flowing and ebbing in a symphony of winds. Each wave carrying him through luscious fields, across old wooden fences, neat, well maintained and weather worn to a soft grey.
Images of riders wearing Hudson Blanket styled jackets, swede brown with matching wide -brimmed hats. And hair. A woman. Gold-yellow hair. Moving like the rolling hills, swept back. Her gaze; solid; blue-green; penetrating; turn to meet his.
“BEEP!” He snaps back. “PROCESS 42 COMPLETE”. Feeling his heart beating the way it was meant to beat, he knows he has to get out of here.
The point is: When you find your days are like Paul’s, a mix of daydreams and repetition, its time to get the fuck out.
How to succeed as a hamster November 28, 2009
Posted by Mike in : Mike, Productivity , 1 comment so farI once had two hamsters. Had them in a box in the garage. They had their own wheel, bowl, lots of cedar chips and fuzzies to play in.
I’d go out everyday and see them, pick them up and play.
One day, one of them stayed in the corner. Just hunkered down and tucked his head in. The other would jump and play and stand on his little feet sniffing the air when I came over saying..”play with me! play with me!”.
I tried to engage the other one, but he just looked up at me in an I’m busy yet sad type of way, like he was left out of the fun and no one wanted to play with him.
I’d see him eat occasionally so I knew he wasn’t sick, but he’d just go back to his sad little corner and bury himself and his head back down into the cedar chips and kinda shiver.
Everytime I’d go to scoop him up, the other would rush over and jump on my hand, and snuggle in, and wanted all the attention, so I’d play with him. I felt so sorry for the other little guy.
Then one day I come home and go into the garage, and they are gone.
No one was home and there were no cats around and I could not figure out what happened.
I fished around and it turned out that little frail scared hamster was digging a hole in the box while the other kept me busy. The fuckers.
Moral: Just keep working even if you feel like a caged dying animal, for that’s the way out.
Can love stimulate creativity in business? November 28, 2009
Posted by Mike in : Mike, Motivation , add a commentIt seems most poets and artists have a muse. Is it that object of their affection that inspires them to create masterpieces or is it something else?
The answer is: both, but mostly something else.
Love can inspire you to create beautiful things, however the act of producing something you are passionate about makes you a creative and loving person. This will attract others of like minds and that will re-inspire you.
I have found that if you neglect that latter part and are waiting for love to inspire you, you will never create anything.
I lost sight of that recently and was focused on money, wanting a vacation and being a whiny bitch.
I left town in a huff last night and here I sit on a public computer in a lobby in Chicago realizing just how far off track I’ve been.
You have to love yourself first. And those you really love, that have actually inspired you, deserve to have that favor returned in a productive way.
Yes, love can give you creative energy, but just do the production as mundane as it may be. Starting will give you the fire you need.
How to Overcome Fear November 22, 2009
Posted by Mike in : Mike, Motivation , 1 comment so farHow do you overcome fear? Fear of meetings. Fear of failure. Fear of what your friends and family will think. Fear of anything that does not actually harm you, like public speaking. Some people fear that more than death.
There are two ways to overcoming fear:
The first is by brute force. You vomit in the bathroom, pop a mint, then walk into that boardroom. It’s best to start slow however. The idea is, it becomes like resistance training with weights. You start off light and work up gradually increasing the weights. Each new situation will always hurt, but the light weights you lifted when you started don’t hurt at all anymore.
Fear is like that. Things that scared you as a child no longer do…except for clowns of course. However, overcoming fear by brute force is inefficient. Takes time and a lot of pain.
There is a second approach. Eliminating fear altogether.
Sounds crazy. How do you eliminate fear? Isn’t fear helpful? Yes it is but only in the fight or flight response that comes from a life-threatening situation. It is in the non-threatening situations like public speaking where fear is detrimental to the success of that meeting. As we all say to ourselves, “If I can just relax, be myself, sound professional, don’t mess up, then I will be successful”. That is true to some extent and that knowledge increases the tension, compounding the problem.
The truth is that fear shows that you have made a fundamental error in your perception of reality.
Take for example an overheard work conversation. You hear your boss around a corner speaking to someone else saying “I’m going to have to fire Mike tomorrow, he does not know it yet so don’t tell anyone”. The rest of the day you see people looking at you odd, your gut hurts, you go home and go over all you did and think about what can you change. It’s only the next day at 8am you find out he was talking about Mike in accounting, not you.
All that fear you felt was wrong. Fear is just telling you that you need to change your reality. It’s a warning sign that you’ve got something wrong. You had an illusion about what reality was when it was not.
Now this is going to get a little trippy here, so bear with me.
Have you ever been in a dream and you wake fully frightened and say “I thought for sure it was real!”. You had a fundamental flaw in your perception of reality while you were coming out of a dream state. If you had known that it was a dream, you would have no fear. If you dreamt you were on stage, but knew you were dreaming, you would not care if the audience laughed at you or not, you’d just walk off stage, perhaps flip them off, but you would not have any fear.
All fear is just a perception. And in actuality, all reality is just your perception using your ears, touch, smell, sight, etc. If you could view all reality as if it were a dream, a dream that you own, then you would have no fear.
Usually the cause of the fear is something pretty basic, such as: you don’t want to make people unhappy, and if they’re unhappy, they think less of you and you start to feel unhappy about yourself.
I tried this technique in a board room where I was selling software I had created. I envisioned about an hour before the meeting that it was a dream. I put the people in their spots and saw them all sitting there, talking.
I said, if I’m in a dream, and I don’t get this gig, I’d just shrug, shake their hands and move on.
I go into the meeting, and I’m still breathing heavy. But I look around and keep saying to myself “I’m in a dream. I’m in a dream.”
As we go around and talk, I’m selling my product and the main guy in the room leans back, smiles and says in a condescending voice to the group, “Well, you know what they say about something that sounds too good to be true.” Now normally, I would have laughed and gone: “Haha, well that’s true but…blah blah blah”.
Instead, something clicked in me and I responded like it was a dream. I leaned forward, looked him right in the eye and go in a slow, firm voice, “Then don’t buy it.”
He leans back quick and goes “NO! I just never heard anyone say anything like that before. Please tell me more”. It was surreal…and fun.
Now this technique can take time, try it in a cafe or while walking down a street. Look at everything around you and view it as if it’s a dream. When you can effectively do that, you will get an overwhelming feeling of peace. Do that in a board meeting, on stage, talking to anyone who’s threatening you, and you will be yourself and answer honestly.
View your life as if in a dream and all fear will fade away. If I had some fancy Budda thing to say I’d insert it here…but all of you reading this are a dream anyway so I’m done.
Learn how to program iphone apps: HOW-TO GUIDE – First steps November 7, 2009
Posted by Mike in : Mike, Programming , 2commentsThat was my Google question. Here are the steps to get started doing that:
Step 1: Get a hold of a MAC. Download the newest Operating System, if you can’t that is fine, Apple has different SDK’s (Software Development Kit) for whatever version of MAC OS you have. You do not need an iPhone nor a iTouch to create an application for they have a built in emulator that looks and works just like the iPhone, however you will need one eventually to see it live…clever clever Apple. Gotta buy the computer and the device.
Step 2: Go to Apples iPhone Development Center and sign up. Sign up for the SDK at the bottom left, you have to create a userid and password, they ask for a physical address also, but once you do this you can download the 1.3 gig SDK for free. That’s all you need to get started. When you go to distribute your product, it will cost you $100 dollars to get a license, you can then post it on the Apple site for free, however they will take 1/3 of any charge you apply to your product…again…clever clever Apple.
Step 3: Pick a product you want to create. Don’t do anything with Graphics (animation, etc) or Audio unless you have a very specific product in mind. Those are much harder to learn to start. I picked something that was a list, as you start to create your product, the need for graphics or storing data on the iPhone will present itself and you will then learn how to do it. So start easy, its what I have learned is the best way. You can always go back an edit it for additional things.
Step 4: Pick a place to teach you how to program the iPhone. Try the Apple iPhone Tutorials (There are also videos available once you sign up), however I found they are NOT tutorials. They are instructions. When I went to learn it I was all excited at what seemed like an amazing array of information on their site. The problem is they do not show you the complete picture for what they are trying to teach you. Like me saying “Okay, to change your oil, just take off the old filter and remove the drain plug” and I show you a picture of a filter and a drain plug. But then I don’t show you were they are on the car and how to get to them. That’s the feeling that kept coming through on Apple so I had to find others sources.
- Lynda.com online iPhone Development tutorials. This was the best choice for me. It costs about $25 a month to get access, but it is well worth it. Unlike a book, you can see the development as it goes along, huge difference. Even though I’m a book guy, the visual tutorials blew away learning with books for the beginning steps because for each new item to learn, the person teaching started a brand new app and you saw the WHOLE thing, not just snippets like the iPhone developer center gives you. A bonus is Lynda.com has other great tutorials on such things as web development languages, using Photoshop, etc. For those of you on a budget, there is a fee alternative below which in many ways is superior to Lynda, though for me I liked the speed of which I could learn at Lynda. Lynda has 6 hours worth of video there broken up into 14 chapters and 4-11 minute segments.
- Stanford University iPhone Development online course for FREE is taught by professionals that have worked at apple. It is an extensive course with 23 hours of video taught in a classroom setting. For now it was too long for me, however after reviewing the first few classes, it WILL be something I will do next for they seem to discuss everything Apple and books give you but with real life screw ups and best practices. To get the videos, go to iTunes STORE on your iTunes and search by “Stanford iPhone Application Programming” or the link on iTunes is “Stanford > Science and Technology > iPhone Application Programming – Video”. Each video is about 500 meg a piece, so quite large to get them all but its nice to have them available offline. You can also download the sample code from the link above which is great for just jumping right in and seeing what they do.
- Here is a good book if your a book person.
iPhone in Action
iPhone in Action: Introduction to Web and SDK Development. Turns out you can develop Apps for the iPhone in 3 ways. True apps that reside on the iPhone or iTouch. A web site that is designed to be viewed on the iPhone or iTouch. And a hybrid where some of the functionality is on the iPhone/iTouch and the data can reside on the server. “YouTube” or “Google Maps”.
Step 5: Review the Apple iPhone Human Interface Guidelines. This is important because if you don’t follow some of the basic items, like NOT making buttons so small users can’t press them, they will reject your application. But don’t freak on this, the tutorials above will help you keep it within the guidelines. I recommend downloading the PDF version of the iPhone Human Interface Guideline (look at the top right corner for PDF on the link I just provided). It’s easier to read and you don’t have to worry about the internet tanking at your local cafe. Again, this is a LOOONG document, you don’t have to read it, but it would be wise to skim it after you do the tutorials for it has references on branding your product, design, creating custom icons for your product, etc.
Step 6: Get sample code and cannibalize the shit out of it. That is the best way, don’t reinvent the wheel if you don’t have to. Apple Sample Code is a great place to start. The biggest problem with this stuff is its sophistication level. And take it from me, if you open the perfect sample code that does just what you want, but there is so much foreign stuff in there, you’ll end up spending a month banging your head against a wall just to take the MAC and throw it across the room. So, word of caution, try the above tutorials first, then step into these.
Step 7: Steal $100 dollars to get your product live on Apple store. There is a waiting period for Apple to review the app so be prepared for 2 weeks + to get approval. Go to the Apple iPhone Developer program to pay your $100 dollars and your on your way.
Lastly, I will add additional posts on iPhone development “How to guides” as I learn new things that were a pain in the ass to find out.
If your curious to why I am doing the iPhone applications, you can read the post on Found a way to make money in 45 days!
Found a way to make money!!! in 45 days…part 1 – iPhone app. November 5, 2009
Posted by Mike in : Mike, Products, Rio , 1 comment so farAfter spending how much time, I have no clue, on a multitude of projects in an attempt to make money. Two projects stood out from the rest. I’ll discuss the second one in a follow-up post.
First was an iPhone app. Now I know nothing about iPhone development so I had to start from scratch about 2 weeks ago. The idea came when I was sitting with a friend who has an online business. He was talking how he’d like to monetize (fyi I hate that word because it sounds contrived and corporate (ptewiee) even though I use all the time) his business into products. I went well how about this, he said how about that, and in 15 minutes we had a simple iPhone app designed and drawn in my Moleskine. (fyi I also hated Moleskines due to the “I am a writer and artist and am super cool” factor. Turns out I’m a moron, they are great.) So he knows I do web programming and have done PC programming…or I attempt it at least…so it was off and running. We are going to split the revenue from the applications (there are three, same design, different target markets). I will do the coding. He will supply the content and the distribution through his current networks. No clue on what the price will be yet.
So where to start? (Here is a post of the steps involved) Apple brilliantly requires you to have a MAC to write an iPhone app. I have none. Luckily the guy I’m writing these for lent me his spare. Yes I know…a spare MAC notebook!…money is great ain’t it. So here I am, downloaded the 1+ gig iPhone SDK (“Developers Kit”…I have no clue what the “S” stands for) and went to the University of Michigan’s “fishbowl” do use the school’s O’Reilly’s Safari Books online to find the perfect manual on how to use this convoluted software language. There are over 3,000 online books to choose from mostly related to technology. Turns out the best book was like reading the history of scatology from Neanderthal Cave Droppings to post-modern Medical scat testing for influenza…actually that would be a hell of a lot more interesting.
The solution to this head nodding self torture came from none other than a short email from Alessandra. “Lynda.com now offers iPhone Development Application courses”. She has a subscription for her photo shop skills, been telling me how amazing “seeing” the work is versus reading about it. I went “yea yea…I’m a book guy”. BUT NO MORE! What I did not realize is that iPhone development, actually all design, is visual. Also most books edit out the mistakes they make on the way to writing the books. These mistakes however are invaluable to know about for when you program you will make those mistakes yourself. So I’m about half way through the total 6 hours instructions. Each hour instruction is cut up into short 2-11 min vids (I like how Alex from Clockwork Orange always said “vids”).
So Lynda shows you how to make a simple app in a day or two. It still is very confusing since its based on this NS language from 20 years ago, basically the “C” language…that is soooo not my bag, but they explain it well and I’m getting it pretty quick, so it’s doable. If your interested in doing this, I tell everyone who wants to get into programming: If you can read that 10 page manual that comes with your pc without falling asleep, its one of the first things you do when you get your computer, and when your done you say “cool!”…you can program.
And why 45 days? Alessandra said “AGHHHH!!!! I can’t take this anymore. We need a definable goal. Let’s make December 15th a short term deadline for something! I want to get the hell out of here, move to New York, anything, let’s get something happening by then!”. She’s talking about getting out of Ann Arbor, she’s been here 4 years doing undergrad and did not expect to still be here. If you talk to anyone from Ann Arbor, we all say the same thing…it’s like some psycho trap from the Twilight Zone, right when you get ready to go, you end up staying. So I say fuck it, why not. Just have to cull out the extraneous shit. So in 45 days I plan on ripping through this iPhone stuff, I have tossed out all the other bullshit projects we have been working on independently and together (though she has a cool www.Scholarships-for-school.com that is generating a tiny bit of Advertising revenue. I helped create the site.) So iPhone it is for me, never thought I’d do it but here I am.
Also on iPhone development: there is a good classroom series from Stanford iPhone Develpment that total 28 hours from iTunes videos. Very informative and actually very in-depth, but too slow for me right now.
And one more side note: Alessandra has her own iPhone app coming out in a few weeks for her business www.Saagara.com. Figure this might get her to blog about it since when one of us blogs, the other wants to. We’ve been lax for 2 weeks now and haven’t discussed our products at all. Her app is pretty cool app and should contribute to the Million…at least $4 bucks from the one I’m sure her mom will buy. I hope my mom buys my app, though an iPhone to her is a phone with an eyeball on it.