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iPhone rejects our apps deeming inappropriate March 4, 2010

Posted by Mike in : Mike, Products , add a comment

Well we got some iPhone apps out. Apple fucked us around a bit over “graphic images of a woman in a tight shirt” for our Insultiple Apps. Or as they said: “We’ve reviewed your application and determined that we cannot post this version of your iPhone application to the App Store because it contains objectionable content”. Nice Apple.

We resubmitted with said “PORN” removed and they accepted it after days of review…I’m sure they had to masturbate to it several times once they took their halo’s off.

They also rejected our “Tourettes with Audio” swearing app even though it was classified in the Adult over 18 group.

We are resubmitting this one as well, but with it toned down…we removed all the swear words one finds in Webster’s dictionary…cause I guess Webster does not actually undertand english and it’s just a pulp document of no real value.

The good news is we pulled out 3 more apps from the rejected swearing one. We made a PG version to follow the toned down swearing one and are co-branding the “Tourettes” as “Swearing with Audio” to find out which name people like, or dislike, more. It might do well in that there are over 7 million word combinations with my voice hollarin the words at you.

So it appears we have figured out what makes Apple tick, kinda up the the reviewer and what they deem appropriate and once the App is released they forget about it. Which is funny because our “Insultiple Deluxe” has the items that were rejected in our cheaper product. So if you want to see a shot of Salma Hayek in a t-shirt…a whopping 25 x 25 pixel image…spend $1 more and you can start your own porn site!

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Flat Broke but Filthy Rich February 10, 2010

Posted by Mike in : Mike , add a comment

Money Money Money…where for art thou.

Seems its the mantra of us all. Even the bum on the street with the outstretched hand has to have a bit of it to keep whatever keeps him going, going. I have sympathy for him, I’ve been there. The only difference between the two of us is I have a greater change of making it out of the dark isolated corners of hell and back into the light.

The bum who asked for money for the 9,354th time made me reflect on the odd psychological monetary dichotomy I’m in. I just released three iPhone applications to Apple for review.

I feel absolutely rich yet my pockets are lined with lint and copper. It’s very strange having no capital but creating items that can make tons of it. I’m living in the in-between place.

I’m walking with the air of an aristocrat who is on sabbatical dressed as a transient to divert attention from himself but he can’t hide his lineage and gets called out anyway. That’s happening to me. I must have “crossed over” somewhere this month past the tipping point of who I was to what I will be.

It’s an aphrodisiac to women I’ve noticed as well. It amazes me how a mental state can alter the perceptions of others. I don’t think this is a place one can “think” themselves into. I think it is a spot that one has to make.

This post is only here to segue into a discussion of the iPhone applications that were just released so I’ll end with:

Money money money…its all on my tree. The only issue is…they haven’t given it to me.

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Persist through fear until you hear yourself say Holy Shit! December 6, 2009

Posted by Mike in : Mike, Motivation , add a comment

I just had that. My fucking heart is racing.

I’ve been looking at the same thing for what seems like eons. So much shit floating around me. My ‘Day to Day’ states:

“At the fishbowl looking at the world and letting everything fade but 1 thing. iPhone databases. Very very complex, yet very very simple. Just focus…focus. See this one thing as the world…the future. Let the energy of it fill you. Feel its fire. I am above the bullshit, I ride alone, this beast is mine to tame. Talk seems to be the appeal in all the twitters and facebooks I see flicking around me. I shut it all out and only see this. I shall sit here till I have it or I will die in my seat. Fishbowl is open 24 hours. Give me database or give me death.”

Within minutes of writing that statement, of letting everyone around me fade, the hundreds of minds dicking around with some shit, when BAM it hit me! I heard myself say “Holy Shit!”.

My Holy Shit was that I finally found out how to take a vast database of data and simple query it for use in my iPhone application!

I just stared at my computer until the screen faded under screen saver. Stared wide eyed. It must be the same feeling a scientist has when they stumble across something no human has ever seen before. They see the truth in it and just pause.

I have been on this for months. Over all the bullshit. The meetings. The talks. Its the persistence that is of the only value. No matter how you feel. The key is shutting it all out, looking at the world, letting it go and rising above it.

In the article “If you want to be rich, first stop being so frightened“, billionaire Felix Dennis says “The number one reason why people fail is because of a fear of public embarrassment”. We fill our minds with this mind clutter. We worry about what others will think. About not making the money. About missing out on all the parties where everyone is mingling, networking, having fun and moving forward.  The fear that you will be left behind. It’s bullshit.

The real value is in coming back to the core. For me it is here. In a room of 500 buzzing computers and freeing my mind of all of it. My passion flared a few minutes ago. Vast and beautiful. My skin is still goose bumped. My breath is short. So persist. Persist again. Read this post on overcoming fear if your having trouble letting go of the inner monologues.

The only other answer to how I feel is I had a stroke and am lying on the fishbowl’s floor unconscious dreaming all this…someone call 911.

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Learn how to program iphone apps: HOW-TO GUIDE – First steps November 7, 2009

Posted by Mike in : Mike, Programming , 2comments

That was my Google question. Here are the steps to get started doing that:

Step 1: Get a hold of a MAC. Download the newest Operating System, if you can’t that is fine, Apple has different SDK’s (Software Development Kit) for whatever version of MAC OS you have.  You do not need an iPhone nor a iTouch to create an application for they have a built in emulator that looks and works just like the iPhone, however you will need one eventually to see it live…clever clever Apple.  Gotta buy the computer and the device.

Step 2: Go to Apples iPhone Development Center and sign up.  Sign up for the SDK at the bottom left, you have to create a userid and password, they ask for a physical address also, but once you do this you can download the 1.3 gig SDK for free.  That’s all you need to get started.  When you go to distribute your product, it will cost you $100 dollars to get a license, you can then post it on the Apple site for free, however they will take 1/3 of any charge you apply to your product…again…clever clever Apple.

Step 3: Pick a product you want to create. Don’t do anything with Graphics (animation, etc) or Audio unless you have a very specific product in mind. Those are much harder to learn to start.  I picked something that was a list, as you start to create your product, the need for graphics or storing data on the iPhone will present itself and you will then learn how to do it.  So start easy, its what I have learned is the best way. You can always go back an edit it for additional things.

Step 4: Pick a place to teach you how to program the iPhone. Try the Apple iPhone Tutorials (There are also videos available once you sign up), however I found they are NOT tutorials.  They are instructions.  When I went to learn it I was all excited at what seemed like an amazing array of information on their site.  The problem is they do not show you the complete picture for what they are trying to teach you.  Like me saying “Okay, to change your oil, just take off the old filter and remove the drain plug” and I show you a picture of a filter and a drain plug.  But then I don’t show you were they are on the car and how to get to them.  That’s the feeling that kept coming through on Apple so I had to find others sources.

Step 5: Review the Apple iPhone Human Interface Guidelines.  This is important because if you don’t follow some of the basic items, like NOT making buttons so small users can’t press them, they will reject your application.  But don’t freak on this, the tutorials above will help you keep it within the guidelines.  I recommend downloading the PDF version of the iPhone Human Interface Guideline (look at the top right corner for PDF on the link I just provided).  It’s easier to read and you don’t have to worry about the internet tanking at your local cafe.  Again, this is a LOOONG document, you don’t have to read it, but it would be wise to skim it after you do the tutorials for it has references on branding your product, design, creating custom icons for your product, etc.

Step 6: Get sample code and cannibalize the shit out of it. That is the best way, don’t reinvent the wheel if you don’t have to.  Apple Sample Code is a great place to start.  The biggest problem with this stuff is its sophistication level.  And take it from me, if you open the perfect sample code that does just what you want, but there is so much foreign stuff in there, you’ll end up spending a month banging your head against a wall just to take the MAC and throw it across the room.  So, word of caution, try the above tutorials first, then step into these.

Step 7: Steal $100 dollars to get your product live on Apple store. There is a waiting period for Apple to review the app so be prepared for 2 weeks + to get approval. Go to the Apple iPhone Developer program to pay your $100 dollars and your on your way.

Lastly, I will add additional posts on iPhone development “How to guides” as I learn new things that were a pain in the ass to find out.

If your curious to why I am doing the iPhone applications, you can read the post on Found a way to make money in 45 days!

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Found a way to make money!!! in 45 days…part 1 – iPhone app. November 5, 2009

Posted by Mike in : Mike, Products, Rio , 1 comment so far

After spending how much time, I have no clue, on a multitude of projects in an attempt to make money.  Two projects stood out from the rest.  I’ll discuss the second one in a follow-up post.

First was an iPhone app.  Now I know nothing about iPhone development so I had to start from scratch about 2 weeks ago.  The idea came when I was sitting with a friend who has an online business.  He was talking how he’d like to monetize (fyi I hate that word because it sounds contrived and corporate (ptewiee) even though I use all the time) his business into products.  I went well how about this, he said how about that, and in 15 minutes we had a simple iPhone app designed and drawn in my Moleskine. (fyi  I also hated Moleskines due to the “I am a writer and artist and am super cool” factor.  Turns out I’m a moron, they are great.)  So he knows I do web programming and have done PC programming…or I attempt it at least…so it was off and running.  We are going to split the revenue from the applications (there are three, same design, different target markets).  I will do the coding.  He will supply the content and the distribution through his current networks.  No clue on what the price will be yet.

So where to start? (Here is a post of the steps involved) Apple brilliantly requires you to have a MAC to write an iPhone app.  I have none.  Luckily the guy I’m writing these for lent me his spare.  Yes I know…a spare MAC notebook!…money is great ain’t it.  So here I am, downloaded the 1+ gig iPhone SDK (“Developers Kit”…I have no clue what the “S” stands for) and went to the University of Michigan’s “fishbowl” do use the school’s O’Reilly’s Safari Books online to find the perfect manual on how to use this convoluted software language.  There are over 3,000 online books to choose from mostly related to technology.  Turns out the best book was like reading the history of scatology from Neanderthal Cave Droppings to post-modern Medical scat testing for influenza…actually that would be a hell of a lot more interesting.

The solution to this head nodding self torture came from none other than a short email from Alessandra.  “Lynda.com now offers iPhone Development Application courses”.  She has a subscription for her photo shop skills, been telling me how amazing “seeing” the work is versus reading about it.  I went “yea yea…I’m a book guy”.  BUT NO MORE!  What I did not realize is that iPhone development, actually all design, is visual.   Also most books edit out the mistakes they make on the way to writing the books.  These mistakes however are invaluable to know about for when you program you will make those mistakes yourself.  So I’m about half way through the total 6 hours instructions.  Each hour instruction is cut up into short 2-11 min vids (I like how Alex from Clockwork Orange always said “vids”).

So Lynda shows you how to make a simple app in a day or two.  It still is very confusing since its based on this NS language from 20 years ago, basically the “C” language…that is soooo not my bag, but they explain it well and I’m getting it pretty quick, so it’s doable.  If your interested in doing this, I tell everyone who wants to get into programming:  If you can read that 10 page manual that comes with your pc without falling asleep, its one of the first things you do when you get your computer, and when your  done you say “cool!”…you can program.

And why 45 days? Alessandra said “AGHHHH!!!! I can’t take this anymore.  We need a definable goal.  Let’s make December 15th a short term deadline for something!  I want to get the hell out of here, move to New York, anything, let’s get something happening by then!”.   She’s talking about getting out of Ann Arbor, she’s been here 4 years doing undergrad and did not expect to still be here.  If you talk to anyone from Ann Arbor, we all say the same thing…it’s like some psycho trap from the Twilight Zone, right when you get ready to go, you end up staying.  So I say fuck it, why not.  Just have to cull out the extraneous shit.  So in 45 days I plan on ripping through this iPhone stuff, I have tossed out all the other bullshit projects we have been working on independently and together (though she has a cool www.Scholarships-for-school.com that is generating a tiny bit of Advertising revenue.  I helped create the site.)  So iPhone it is for me, never thought I’d do it but here I am.

Also on iPhone development: there is a good classroom series from Stanford iPhone Develpment that total 28 hours from iTunes videos.  Very informative and actually very in-depth, but too slow for me right now.

And one more side note: Alessandra has her own iPhone app coming out in a few weeks for her business www.Saagara.com.  Figure this might get her to blog about it since when one of us blogs, the other wants to.  We’ve been lax for 2 weeks now and haven’t discussed our products at all.  Her app is pretty cool app and should contribute to the Million…at least $4 bucks from the one I’m sure her mom will buy.  I hope my mom buys my app, though an iPhone to her is a phone with an eyeball on it.

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